Strategic Developments
Mediterranean nations offended by Med Night antics
Qadaffi possibly declares war against Fletcher
Organizers of The Fletcher School’s popular Med Night festival were taken aback last week when they received no fewer than five formal letters of complaint from various Mediterranean nations, all expressing disdain with the Med Night program of October 24.
“I was very surprised to hear that so many people were offended,” said Eugenia Vandoros, one of the Med Night organizers. “After all, we put all of Brooke and Sami’s jokes through a political correctness committee!” Brooke Adams and Sami Shammas, who also organized and served as MCs for the evening, are notorious in the region for their biting humor.
“Seriously, they have nothing to complain about,” said a defiant Ms. Adams. “I mean, we didn’t even do ‘Real World Ramallah.’ Plus, I made Sami wear pants the whole time. I don’t think you understand how hard that is.”
Mr. Shammas did seem to be the catalyst for much of the outrage in the Levant. The most vociferous complaints came from Israel, which alleged that the festivities represented “an unprecedented attack on our national integrity and identity.” Interviews with officials involved in drafting the complaint revealed that the main target of their outrage was Mr. Shammas, well-known for a divisive anti-everything political stance that has more to do with mockery than principle.
A joke told by Mr. Shammas at Med Night, which involved practical advice for persons considering sexual intercourse with members of the Israeli defense forces, seems to have been the final straw for the Israeli establishment. “Effective immediately, we denounce Mr. Shammas and will no longer recognize his right to exist. We will expect nothing less than a public retraction and apology if he wishes to be acknowledged again by the State of Israel,” read the complaint, which concluded by calling for international sanctions against everyone associated with the evening.
Portugal issued a more mildly-worded request to be considered a Mediterranean nation in future Med Night celebrations. “For too many years, the beautiful heritage of Portugal has been disregarded simply because we happen to be located on the wrong side of the Iberian Peninsula,” it read. “None of your cultural nights include a place for the celebration of Portuguese culture, though we do try to sneak into Fiesta Latina via Brazil. When anyone remembers us at all, they only bring up our brutal colonial history or our quaint language. Next year, we hope the Med Night Organizing Committee will use the resources of the Fletcher community to find something for which Portugal can be proud. Please let us know what it is when you do.”
France’s complaint, on the other hand, seemed to stem from the fact that nations other than France were represented at the celebration at all. “It is well-known that France has produced the most superior language, culture, and cuisine of any nation on earth,” read the statement issued by the office of President Nicolas Sarkozy. “We are already forced to suffer the indignity of sharing the planet with other people. We do not see why it is necessary to waste time glorifying the paltry accomplishments of any lesser nations.”
Mr. Shammas came under fire once again from the Republic of Northern Cyprus, which wished to register a complaint regarding an email sent by him to the Social List several days before Med Night soliciting the loan of Mediterranean national flags. The email read, in part: “Countries we DON'T want: …The Republic of Northern Cyprus--Sorry but this is not actually a country maybe we can just put one and a quarter Turkish flags?”
The
complaint from Northern Cyprus read: “As Mr. Shammas is doubtless aware, the
Turkish Republic of Northern Cyprus has a long and glorious history stretching
back nearly 26 years which, we note, is longer than Mr. Shammas has been alive.
We are fully equipped with a flag representing our national pride, and demand
that it be displayed at the next Fletcher Med Night celebration.” The complaint
went on to note that as the Turkish flag is fairly large, the 1.25 flags
suggested by Shammas would potentially be larger than the Republic itself, “thus
proving a very inconvenient national symbol indeed.”
The final complaint came from Libya or, more precisely, from Libya’s leader, Moammar Qadaffi. As far as translators could tell, Mr. Qadaffi’s main grievance was that he had not been declared the winner of “Jeopardy: Mediterranean Leaders.” The letter, which was 80 pages long and written in crayon on pages torn from a Paris phonebook, indicated that Mr. Qadaffi might be unaware that the Jeopardy game played on Med Night was not actually a real episode of the popular game show, and therefore included neither cash prizes nor personal glory.
Mr. Qadaffi’s letter also included a formal declaration of war against Fletcher, but since it was signed “King of Kings of Africa,” it was unclear exactly which entity intended to engage in hostilities. When contacted for comment, Erastus Mwencha, Deputy Chairperson of the African Union Commission, claimed to have no knowledge that the continent had gone to war against a small American graduate school.
Deans Sheehan and Bosworth said they have not yet decided what course of action to take in response to the complaints. However, they noted that Fletcher alumni are embedded in nearly every part of the international diplomatic community, not to mention the armed forces, and suggested that disgruntled Mediterranean nations could “bring it on.”
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